Lovers Not So Lovely

Never in my life have I seen something so incredibly . . . twisted,

Bipolar, turned-around, out-of-place, horribly fake yet horribly realistic all at the same freaking time!

My Best Friend's Wedding.

So I'm new to this - I'm guessing 80's - Julia Roberts chickflick. Though, I don't know if this movie actually completes the qualifications for a chickflick.

Whatever your rules are for chickflicks, follow them. But when I classify a typical chickflick - er, the newly-named "romantic comedy" (because what romantic story doesn't have some element of humor?) - I usually end 'em with the dude ending up with the chick in the end. I mean, obviously, what would every desperate Lori Wick-reading single American woman who prides herself on the predictable happily-ever-after-ending do if your favorite romantic comedy's Romeo and Juliet never shared that million dollar smooch that made you flashback to your first kiss?

I'm not sure what I'd do. This virgin lips still enjoys Never Been Kissed since it still applies. Drew and I could have been good friends if she weren't acting.

**Let me take a moment for a few disclaimers for those offended/confused/or scoffing at my multiple mixed metaphors:

Two disclaimers for Miss (or Mrs.?) Wick: This is not a bash to her, I'm simply not a fan of romance novels, nor does reading Lori Wick make you desperate).

Shakespeare disclaimer: Romeo and Juliet are probably the worst examples for lovers in today's chickflicks, but everyone knows who I'm talking about. Just keep lying to yourself - they never killed themselves - Shakespeare was out of his mind!**

Back to My Best Friend's Wedding. First, let's start off with the typical chickflick elements:

*Yes, the beginning follows the quite typical chickflick format: Said boy and said girl used to like each other.

*Add in the jealousy elements, the tricks/lies the one plays and tells because she's in love with the dude. And don't forget that of course the two main people are best friends from the beginning. Very typical.

And now for some seriously ridiculous, unrealistic parts:

*Was anyone else questioning WHY THE HECK Cameron Diaz was playing little miss good girl? That one was interesting. And I doubt many see an 8-year age difference between Diaz and Roberts.

*Best friend man (his name escapes me, so we'll call him Mike) is seriously bipolar. From calling Roberts "beautiful," to complimenting her on her body in little clothing, to wanting to spend the day before his wedding with another woman ONLY with Roberts convinces you that Mike's real love is Roberts.

*George, the gay guy, has gay aspects, but part of the time, he appears straight. For example, when he flies out to see Roberts, [sorry for mixing character and actor names together], they both lie down next to each other. This causes the viewer to almost see THOSE two together.

The sole realistic moment of the movie:

*Here comes Mr. Bipolar. Once Roberts confesses her love after seriously making some horrible choices - all the while, you're screaming at the TV to make her stop, but you're also empathizing with her, cheering her on, because let's face it, who's a huge Cameron Diaz fan? - Mike still ends up marrying Diaz!

*It gets worse when at the wedding, Roberts eyes the groom the entire time. You're waiting for that ONE moment that you wait for in every chickflick you've ever watched. You don't care if the wedding is canceled, ruined, or crashed - you just want to see the right two people together. Besides, Diaz is made out to be somewhat a wuss that can't keep her mouth shut and holds few similarities with the man she's supposed to marry.

*And in the end, the very bittersweet end, I wanted to throw food at the TV, give a standing ovation, go in the corner and cry, and sit dazed, in front of the monitor - all at the same time. Roberts never gets the man of her dreams, and with this action, I refused to dubb My Best Friend's Wedding a chickflick, because it has broken my one rule for a chickflick.

I must give a little credit to whom it is due. George in the end gives a delicious string of words while he's on the phone with Roberts. Moments later, he sweeps her off her feet and depression for a dance to woo away all the complicated pain.

I could never rate this movie, however; I'm left with too many mixed feelings.

If I could take ONE thing away from this movie, I'd say this: Thank God my best friend is the same sex as me.