Ode to the Nameless Poem . . .

More to come . . . this isn't the end, but it's a combination of several thoughts that are passing through my mind. Hadn't blogged in awhile and found this suiting. Enjoy, my fave 5. Oh, and here's the quote of the day: "Why would you fear something that is certain?" Think about it, my dear friends. I'm pondering. To the nameless poem we shall go . . .

What is in my heart?
I write it on this page.
My mind is plagued with thoughts
To which I now engage:

I am so overwhelmed
With confusion and regret,
Overcome with doubt -
My questions are not met.

Where do I go from here?
Where do I rest my gaze?
Should I forget my troubles
Or should I try to stay?

Like just a little tree,
My pain continually grows,
Yet unlike the real me,
Feelings I will not show.

With smile pasted on,
I quickly walk away.
My heart is screaming NO!
This is the price I pay.

I still live in my past
That has gone on too long.
I wish I were happier -
Everything seems so wrong.

So slowly do they fall
These montonous raindrops -
They turn to drops of tears.
The pouring never stops.

Do you think of me
When you are all alone,
Or do you regret
This seed of sadness sown?

I've cried these tears away
Only a thousand times;
Yet they appear each day
Upon this face of mine.

My grief I hide away -
My face they will not see,
For this great heartache of mine
Slowly suffocates me.

Who Needs an Energy Drink?

1:49 a.m.

Yes, I'm still awake. Woopty-doo! Oh gosh, the horrible grammar corrector is coming out in me. I wonder if I spelled that woopedy doo thing correctly. Sheesh, when it comes to grammar, I'm meticulously annoying - to myself. That's just sad . . .

I'm listening to an incredible song called "A Love Song." No, not the famous, highly-acclaimed "Love Song" by Sarah Barielles. This "A Love Song" is by the group Stellar Kart. Haven't exactly figured out what particular genre of music that band represents, but I do enjoy a song here and there by them. You want to hear some songs that aren't just breakfast, but dinner? Listen to "Me and Jesus," "A Love Song," and "Wishes and Dreams." Actually these surpass dinner - I'd give 'em dessert.

Yes, I stole that analogy from "Music and Lyrics" for all of you who were wondering :-)

I am THRILLED to have my friends back. Could I express happiness any more deeply on the computer. I'M FREAKIN' HAPPY!?!? Convinced?

Thought so.

My dear Lynnae Lawson. How I missed her! And apart for only two weeks! How will we survive this summer . . . ?!

And my bestest, Lori Allison. Love her. She was gone for a weekend and I thought I was going to have a heart attack if Lori or Lynnae or both of them didn't get there butts back on campus soon! I was suffering from Missafriendphobia!!!!

So progress is ensuing on my paper. Yes, fellow friends and grand audience - read my blogging lips - I worked! And so I'm like half through, and it's due in a lil over 24 hours. That's not terrible, right?

Ah, I must get up early for breakfast tomorrow morning. At this time, I should get a good 4 to 4 1/2 hours of sleep in here. Looking forward to some quality time with my pillow :)

Gnight all, until my next blog attack . . .

Here's the most random quote for the night: Find a bee and let 'im pee.

Amen.

What I've Learned

Five weeks - that's it! Five more weeks of school, and I'm officially a Junior (scary, yipes!). Well, I've had the most mixed feelings EVER of this year more than any other time in my life. But I find it more important to focus on the things I've learned more than the times I regret.

I've learned that . . .

~God is my best friend - He is always there for me, and I can come to Him at any time
~God is most dependable - my friends are incredible, but they will let me down from time to time
~God has brought me through times that I never thought I could make it through
~I am in a continual state of learning - the moment I've learned from situations, God brings more situations that I can learn from
~Life doesn't slow down
~More difficult times are coming
~God will not bring trials in my life that are impossible for me to overcome
~Emotional pain is much greater than physical pain, but God and friends can help you get past it and move on
~Change is hard, but inevitable
~God has a reason for everything He does - but He doesn't always reveal it
~Sometimes God brings the right person in your life just at the moment you need someone
~Don't procrastinate - you'll regret it!
~Keep your priorities where they should be - even school work :(
~Family is always constant - they may not be perfect, but they will always be family
~There are friends who are few and far between - if you happen to find one or two, you have more than most people dream of. And for the record, I am one of those very lucky people :-)

Always try to be extra kind to people, because everyone is fighting
some kind of battle.

Blogging Ain't For Amateurs

I don't even feel like blogging. Kinda wondering why I'm on here. Eh, so be it.

Here's the present status:

1. Pauline Epistles Paper is due in 0100 hours. MUST WORK QUICKLY!
2. Currently listening to Solo Por Ti - 10 points for you, Josh.
3. Missing best friend terribly. Why must she go home so much?!
4. Disappointed that I will not be home during Easter, but it was my choice.
5. Living through an emotional nightmare - looking forward to the impossible ending :-)

So what's the point of blogging, anyhow? So everyone can read your thoughts? Not exactly what I'm thinking. Here are my conclusions:

1. I love writing - blogging is just another form of it.
2. I enjoy expressing myself.
3. Writing things down helps me get a better idea of what I'm thinking.
4. It oddly fascinates me. I like messing with the settings, and I like having my own website.
5. Gives me another excuse to be on the computer. I'm an addict.

So there are the million dollar answers, people. In all of my glory, I fascinate the world with the countless thoughts that cross my mind at record-breaking speeds.

*Yawn*

Lights out.

Yay For Newness

Here I am . . . ready to blog my heart away! This is me, unleashed, and ready to share with the world (my favorite 5 viewers . . . well, once you exist, that is) the incredibly boring parts of my life. Buckle up, it's going to be a long ride.

So right now, yeah . . . trying to do homework. Not really happening. I just needed to blog! Sounds like an addiction . . . maybe I should get some professional help . . . or not . . .

I think one of the hardest things for me is not only figuring out who I am, but focusing on being that person. So many times I find it easy to be like everyone else. Does anyone ever feel like that? I don't purposefully want to copy other people - I just find it easy to naturally mimic the words and actions of others. It's easy to see some people's ideas and make them your own. That's one of the reasons I wanted to start this blog in the first place . . . to express myself, and no one else. I figure, since I'm "fearfully and wonderfully made" - since God made me unique, shouldn't I strive to be that unique person? Why would I want to be anyone else? I find myself so ashamed of who I am, who I represent, and what I desire because of Cooley's Looking Glass theory - (I'm getting academic on you here, watch out). Cooley was saying that people perceive themselves as they think what others think of them. Yeah, it's a mouthful, but think about it. It makes perfect sense.

I think too often, people are way too concerned with how they think others view them. Sure, everyone's a critic, but not everyone is out there to get you. Besides, I believe what's important is how the people that I care about view me. What everyone else thinks is not nearly as important.

So there's the beginning of this . . . enjoy fellow bloggers and distant readers. Comment away at my blurbs.

Until next time . . .