I Will Not Be Ashamed (or at least this once :-))

Care to be ashamed . . . or just ashamed to care at all?

I've been thinking (is that a good thing?) . . .

Actually, this thought has been rummaging around in my mind for quite a while. Just finding the time to force myself to sit down and actually write . . . is another.

Sometimes, I find myself ashamed to show that I care. Does that really make much sense? In my mind, it certainly does. And then again - it definitely doesn't. Why should I be ashamed to show that I care?

Ever feel like you weren't good enough for someone - maybe a friend? or that cute person of the opposite sex that you're just dying to impress? or maybe that person you've always looked up to and admired. I most definitely have. Where am I going with this? Just hang in there with me, k?

Maybe even that person felt like he or she was on a level higher than you. No, not better, persay, but higher, if that makes sense. But maybe you didn't get that impression. Maybe you felt like that person was always better than you - and he or she didn't care - OR was afraid to show that he or she cared because he (I'm getting tired of saying "or she" so I'm giving it up!) cared because he sensed that he was on a higher level than you.

What kind of "higher level" am I talking about? You probably think I'm nuts right now. Let me just attempt to explain the thoughts that run through my mind. Higher levels could be referring to better looks, older age, social status, better grades . . . the list goes on. Are you getting it yet?

Okay. So let's take that scenario - you feel like someone is better than you and/or that you're not good enough for someone. And maybe it's because that person is more successful or better in a certain area than yourself. Maybe that person knows that fact, and you feel as if he doesn't care. He just doesn't care that not only he's better than you in a particular area, but he doesn't mind that you feel inferior to him. He understands that he's on a - let's use our favorite phrase now - "higher level" than you are in a certain area, and he knows that you feel like the last person chosen for kickball in gym time.

Hopefully we have all of that down. Whew. Didn't think I could articulare that. And would you believe I haven't even made my point? Okay, so here it is.

Reverse that entire situation. Put yourself in the shoes of the one who achieves higher, or is more popular, or just performs better in a particular area. See yourself as the successful entrepreneur, the star of the basketball team, or the most popular kid in school. Now, see, I'm going on the high end here - I'm referring to the most well-known people, to the ones that shine out like lights and stand out in crowds.

Let's go back to the beginning. You're the one who feels like you might not measure up to a certain person. Maybe it's that good friend of yours. And you just never felt good enough, yet he doesn't seem to care. It's not that your friend isn't a caring person - it's just, he's too embarrassed to show that he does care, because he sees himself on a higher level than you.

Have you ever had a friend like that? Sometimes I think I'm just crazy . . .

Why would I use so much space to ask such a simple question that could have been summed up in one easy paragraph?

Because I think it's important, and I think people overlook it's importance. I think sometimes people are too afraid to show that they care. They're embarrassed to show that they just might actually care. Why is this?

I think people are concerned about losing status. You ever notice how people aren't afraid of complimenting the gorgeous girl - they're not scared of praising the jock or worshipping the footsteps of that amazing pianist. But then when it comes to those that they know well, they're afraid of complimenting them. They're afraid of how others may perceive them.

I sense that I'm making no sense. How can I put into words exactly what I'm thinking? I can't. Therefore, I BLOG! Not for the reason of getting people to agree with me - more to express what I'm thinking and feeling. People are open to their own opinions. More power to my fave five.

I was just bothered. I needed to write. I expressed my thoughts. I opened my mind to your criticism. I rest my case.