I'm Still Here

Wow, how much I've wanted to blog for sooooo long - well, friends, the time has finally come for fingers and keyboard to meet once again. And what a harmonious time they shall have.

Ahhh . . . I wonder how I shall mention everything that has been going on in only one post, and with so little time! Let me see what I can do . . .

Well, first, something that has been on my mind: It's amazing how "coincidences" happen. In other words, God remains anonymous. Okay, so I'm not exactly talking about some "miracle" that occurred in my life - I just experienced a time where I'm sure God was laughing at me. He must take these little moments to crack up at us sometimes, I think. So it's not exactly a funny experience at all, but I find it all very ironic. I had gotten ready early for once in my life, and I had been bothered by a lot of "stuff," I'll say, going on in my life. Frankly, I was just depressed - there are just some circumstances that really get me down. I'll be honest, I do pray often - but this time was certainly different. I hadn't done this in awhile, but I chose to just get down on my knees and pray. For those few minutes, I really just cried out to God and laid my heart in front of Him. After a few minutes, I left for chapel, and Mr. Wetzel, the singing director, was just saying how we were going to sing a song that we had not sung all year: Bow the Knee. I found it so ironic, and so cool, all at the same time. I know it may sound silly to most, but it's neat to see how God is in the middle of even the smallest details of our lives.

Singleness - has this been the hot topic of the week or what. First a conversation with our church group, followed by a lecture in class. It's funny how some of the same things keep coming up. Again, I find this ironic. The whole "debate" persay, was about whether someone would remain single if he had a desire to be married.

Argument A: Since I am in the center of God's will and am delighting myself in it, then he will give me the desires of my heart. Since I desire to be married, God will direct the right person into my life in His perfect timing.

Argument B: There is no such promise in the Bible that guarantees that someone will get married, even if he desires it. Some people were destined to be single, even against their desires.

And now for my opinion: I don't know. If I had to side with one argument or the other, I'd definitely be closer to argument B. I do believe that God will grant the desires of the Christian who is in the center of His will, but I also believe that God has a plan for each person and that He is able to change our desires to fit within His plan for us. I don't believe there is a guarantee to find that "perfect person" out there for each person. Sure, I struggle with this a little because I am another one of them single folk who desire to be married one day, but I'm not going to inherantly take the Bible out of context to comfort myself with the false security of being promised a future mate. I don't think we have the grounds to make that kind of claim.

As for more news . . . well, yesterday was a pretty exciting day. Well, kinda. Lori and I decided to do some shopping before the play - we were looking for some jewelry to match the dress that I had bought specifically to wear to the play. Instead, we ended up finding some sweet heels at Kohls. So I totally did not bring all that up just to bore you. When we left Kohls, we got into the car, and guess what? The car wouldn't start! Lori left her lights on, so we ended up enjoying a nice 45 minutes inside the car while it was pouring outside. Drew was able to help us out, and we made it back. Yay!

I could continue to blab for countless ages, but I'll spare all of you who have drooping eyelids. Hehe. I'll just end with a song that's been in my head for the past few days. It pretty summarizes exactly how I've been feeling. I didn't know that a song could come that close to relating to reality. Three cheers for Vertical Horizon.

"I'm Still Here"

I found the pieces in my hand

They were always there

It just took some time for me to understand

You gave me words I just can't say

So if nothing else

I'll just hold on while you drift away

Cause everything you wanted me to hide

Is everything that makes me feel alive.

The cities grow

The rivers flow

Where you are, I'll never know

But I'm still here

If you were right and I was wrong

Why are you the one who's gone?

And I'm still here

Still here . . .

Seeing the ashes in my heart

The smile the widest

When I cry inside and my insides blow apart

I tried to wear another face

Just to make you proud

Just to make you put me in my place

But everything you wanted from me

Is everything that I never could be.

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here

Maybe tonight

It's gonna be alright

I will get better

Maybe today

It's gonna be okay

I will remember

I held the pieces of my soul

I was shattered and I wanted you to come and make me whole

When I saw you yesterday

But you didn't notice

And you just walked away

Cause everything you wanted me to hide

Is everything that makes me feel alive

The cities grow

The rivers flow

Where you are, I'll never know

But I'm still here

If you were right and I was wrong

Why are you the one who's gone

I'm still here

The lights go out, the bridges burn

Once you're gone, you can't return

But I'm still here

Remember how you used to say I'd be the one to runaway

But I'm still here